Girl
girl:
i am not pregnant.
it feels like i never was.
the blood between my thighs
means more than the pregnancy
test i threw out with last month’s
trash. it is a good thing.
my mama says good catholic girls wait.
i never said i was a good catholic girl.
and graduation isn’t that far away.
i think i will be the first girl in my family
to walk across that stage.
so there. i am not backing down.
i am full of freedom.
but my life is ruined
by the secret that
choked inside
of me.
boy:
girls get pregnant.
guys just don’t.
it’s her fault.
she took off my clothes
she pulled me onto her bed
she pulled me onto her
she didn’t ask for a rubber so
I didn’t offer.
girls get pregnant.
she wanted this.
it sounds harsh, but
it’s not my fault. and
I don’t want anything to do with
her. or it.
she can do what she wants. if
she doesn’t want it,
she can get rid of it.
it has nothing to do with me.
girls get pregnant.
I am full of youth.
I can’t be tied down
with this.
mother:
when I was sixteen,
I met this boy.
you have no idea
what kinds of things
my mother said:
another black girl
throwin’ her life away.
but I had a child.
and she is
the greatest part of me.
but this is different:
she is mine.
she is mine.
she is mine.
I am full of love for her.
but I have said all of the same things.
and if I ever get my hands on that boy
I will kill him.
girl:
i am pregnant.
my belly is swollen.
my pants no longer fit.
i vomit at the smell of
meatcoffeeapplesicecream.
i am pregnant.
my body is no longer mine.
i gave it to a boy as a gift
and then he ran away.
i am pregnant.
the staff look at me
like my mother does.
the girls stare and point,
aiming pity and disgust.
the boys applaud themselves,
their gender.
eyes mark me:
whore.
i am pregnant.
my life is no longer mine.
it belongs to
the creature inside me.
but i will not let anyone
fill me with shame.
teacher:
They are so
naive
cocky
bored
I tell them that sex causes
disease
pregnancy
the end of their lives
I know everyone has sex.
Maybe not now.
Probably now.
I am full of lies.
If I say
condoms are your best choice
sex is a natural part of love
there can be life after childbirth
I’m gone.
Instead I walk the halls
ignoring the rounded bellies of the girls.
I cannot let them be my fault.
boy:
girls get pregnant.
but boys cause it.
i caused it
i’ve had sex with other girls but
i got her pregnant&
i love her. &our baby.
how cool is it to say ‘our?’
how scary?
we’re going to the doctor’s tomorrow morning.
she tells her father tomorrow evening.
we can’t hide it anymore.
i don’t know if we can do it.
i don’t think we are strong enough.
i am full of fear.
doctor:
I have delivered
three thousand
six hundred
ninety
seven
babies.
I have learned that
no matter
how old
how prepared
how experienced
every woman that gives birth
looks too young.
They are all
just as scared
just as pale.
They all look like
this girl
discovering the joy of a baby’s
hands
feet
heartbeat
using it to smother the fear
of her own father.
No one glows.
I prescribe
I treat
I bring life.
I wonder if I am doing wrong.
I am full of doubt.
father:
I am full of love for my family.
I love my wife.
I have loved her always.
I gave my life to her.
I did not know her completely
until our wedding night.
In the name of the Lord.
To create a child.
We raised her well.
Instilled our values.
Loved her.
For her fourteenth birthday
I gave her a little silver ring:
True Love Waits.
I am not stupid.
I know
temptation
starts early.
She will fix this.
And if I ever get my hands on that boy.
I will kill him.
girl:
i am not pregnant
but i was
half an hour ago
my father waits
alone in the car
he will never tell
anyone about this
what God’s people
do not know
cannot hurt them i
cannot be hurt:
i am full of empty
baby:
i am full of life.