Working in the Review Department of America's Funniest Home Videos
David Hume and I are the front-line reviewers.
A “mindless” job throwing away sex and obscenity, a filter for joke videos and stupid teenagers
and faked funny
and plain fucking
unhumorous.
We aren’t the “real” judges. We don’t have degrees in Humor Studies.
We aren’t comedians.
We sit and screen and scream and cry and scoff.
Do we laugh?
Have we lost our humor?
What passes, what fails?
Are we mindless rats?
Are we jaded?
Do you think I am funny?
Does it depend on my gender?
Will we still be able to laugh in a few more years? Is taste in humor a psychological phenomenon? Is beauty?
We shift the film into bins marked:
SEX
PANTS FALLING DOWN
LANGUAGE
ANIMALS
KIDS
TRIPPING
David is from Scotland. He didn’t pass a hilarious video once that ended up being a finalist for the $100,000 Prize. It was some kid faking a Scottish accent. That’s why there are two of us. We keep each other in check.
Pants fall down in every conceivable situation: weddings, funerals, school; children, working people, the educated and the simple, the old and the unassuming. An entire circle of life in falling pants.
Clips with guns generally don’t pass.
The video featuring a piece of roadkill does not pass.
It isn’t funny.
The teenagers throwing fruit at strangers does not pass. It isn’t funny. This is America.
It’s not fucking funny!
And your asshole isn’t funny!
It isn’t funny.
IT ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY AMERICA!