By: Bryant R. Haake, Honors College, Presidential Honors Student, English Major
“You can’t just say that and leave!” Jacob huffed as Crimson continued walking. “Hey, stop! I’m trying to talk to you!”
“There’s nothing else to say, boy,” Crimson called back. “I was your Captain’s first mate for a time, end of discussion.”
“That’s not a small reveal, Crimson!” Jacob argued. “I’ve always been told Heilyn was the first ever first mate, that Captain Vexx knew he had what it took more than anyone despite his drinking problem. Are you telling me that’s fake? It can’t be. They… he’d never lie to–”
“Don’t.”
Crimson turned, a look of fury painting the night red. She slowly started walking back, her steps seeming to shake the whole cavern.
“Don’t finish that sentence. You’re what, 18? Almost 19? You should know by now how people you know—even those you’re closest to—can disappoint you. You should know that.”
Crimson got in his face and he stared back, face blank and unsure of how to respond. Her face softened, then filled with an odd expression for her: concern.
“You don’t know that,” she said, backing up. “You don’t realize… you…”
“What don’t I know?” Jacob was starting to panic. He’d never seen Crimson show concern for anyone before, let alone whatever was happening right now.
“Anything. You don’t know anything about your history, your crew, your Captain… you know nothing.”
“Then tell me!” Jacob almost shouted. “I don’t know what’s going on! Just please tell me!”
Georgiana put a hand on his back, slowing his rapid breaths. He tried again, calmer this time.
“Crimson, I can’t understand unless you tell me what’s going on. You were a part of my crew before, but I’ve never heard about it, and it’s obviously causing you to panic for some reason. Can we start there?”
Crimson regained her composure and nodded, a strange look in her eyes.
“Aye, I’ll tell you what I know, but I doubt you’re gonna like any of what I have to say.”
Jacob and Georgiana got comfortable on the bench as Crimson grabbed a crate from the alley near the inn and placed it in the little space between the bench and the precipice. She sat down, one leg over the other and leaned forward somberly like a drunken sailor waiting to tell the story of how he lost his eye, “…to a fish this big; it was humongous!”
“Where in the Rivers do I even start? Well, I guess what I have to tell mainly starts with my joining time. I joined some time in my early twenties, back when Edmund– Vexx was in his late twenties, having first started the crew. I had just escaped from the law tryna bring me in to answer for my crime of murdering my old boss. I don’t regret it in the slightest. Either way, I stole away on a ship I figured would take me far away, and it did. However, I was found while hiding. That ship was the Forsaken. Vexx listened to my story and decided to let me stay, at least til’ next port, and so I wasn’t thrown overboard. There was a monster attack on the way to the next town—I guess I should say the next raid since this was the point before any of us went straight—and I wound up getting hurt badly. Vexx gave me Neptune’s Gold as a last resort, and that’s what saved me.”
“So, the opposite of how I got my gift?” Georgiana said with a light jab at Jacob’s side. He smiled sheepishly in return.
“Aye, if ye wanna put it like that. Anyhows, it was after that which he’d decided to take me on permanently since I now had a gift. Even back then he had a conscience; didn’t take us on raids where we killed anyone helpless, mainly targeted other pirates and wealthy arses, ‘at sort of thing. After a month, since he only had a small crew and only newbies, he decided to make me first mate. Half a year later I left and Heilyn, who’d joined the week prior, was made first mate.”
“Why’d you leave?” Jacob and Georgiana echoed at the same time before Crimson could stand. She sighed.
“Look, I’ll tell ye both, but it’s not something I like saying. Kinda an embarrassment if I’m being honest.” The young privateers were on the edge of their seats, prompting Crimson to continue despite her post-drunken headache, somehow cleared by the animalistic transfiguration. “I uh… I used to be… naw, I don’t wanna say it.”
She got up and began replacing the box, but both Georgiana and Jacob pulled her back down.
“Oh no you don’t,” Jacob taunted, obviously enjoying her discomfort in some way. “I wanna hear this, and you’re gonna tell us.”
“Alright, alright,” Crimson said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I doubt anyone on your crew woulda told you this, so don’t be too shocked, ‘aight?” She sighed one last time, deeply as if to inhale one of Kukulkan’s storms. “Vexx and I, for a little while, had a bit of a fling.”
Georgiana had to physically close Jacob’s mouth after a moment. Of all the things Crimson could’ve said, that was about the last he’d expected to hear. Georgiana didn’t act as surprised. She’d not spent as much time around either as Jacob had, and so had been able to see the telltale signs of their shared discomfort around each other at dinner the other night. No, she didn’t act surprised; she just smiled knowingly while holding up the lower half of Jacob’s jaw.
“Fling?” Jacob asked when he regained motor control of his mouth. “You mean you two, like…”
He put his hands up to make a motion, but put them down before doing anything, looking green at the gills.
Oh come now, Jacobson, surely you saw this coming. I mean, the signs were clear as day. In fact, I think the more interesting point to ask here is–
“Why did you two break it off? And why did you leave the crew?” Jacob asked in quick succession.
Crimson hung her head. “Honestly, it was as much my fault as it was his. We both had wanderlust in us, something we thought we could help each other with, but we had different definitions of what that should look like. I wanted to go wherever I pleased without listening to anyone ‘bout nothing, ‘specially not any lawmen. He thought we should register with the Privateer’s Company in order to ensure our safety in travelling. He wasn’t willing to budge, and neither was I. There were some other aspects,” she said with a far off look, “but that was the main one. We just kinda… grew apart from there. Heilyn joining the crew was my last straw. Vexx saw something in him, and I saw it as a threat to my command and position. I don’t wanna say I was right, but…” she splayed her hands and hung her head again. “Look kid, you were obviously sheltered growing up; that much is obvious. Honestly, you were probably shielded more than sweet cheeks was.”
Georgiana pursed her lips but didn’t offer a counter.
“There are far too many things in my life which have taught me how to live, and since your Captain is gone now, you’re probably about to start learning some of them for yourself. Just listen to this one thing, even if you don’t listen to anything else, aight?”
She looked directly into his eyes. He’d never noticed before, but she had the pure-black eyes of a shark, always searching for its next meal.
“People will disappoint you, and it could come from anyone. Just learn to diff-er-en-ti-ate the anyone from the everyone. I still haven’t but I’m learning. You two have taught me that, even in this short time. I’m still sorry I couldn’t be a better captain to you two.”
Without another word, Crimson stood, replaced the crate, and walked back to the ship. This time, neither of them stopped her. Jacob leaned back on the bench and let out a breath.
“What do I even say after that?”
Georgiana didn’t have an answer. There wasn’t anything to say. What happened is what happened, and he had to live with it.
“Why didn’t they tell me, though?” Jacob thought out loud. “Why did it even matter? And why does Heilyn dislike her so much? I just don’t…”
Georgiana curled up on the bench next to him and slid her arm around his shoulders. “Maybe it’s just a touchy subject for them. I’ve heard things like that can be traumatizing. Crimson guards her emotions pretty well; I don’t even think she was showing us everything she wanted to say just now, despite her drunkenness. Maybe Captain Vexx and Heilyn just didn’t think it was something you needed to know.”
“But why lie about it? They could’ve just told me there was another first mate before Heilyn and I wouldn’t have cared. They didn’t need to make up some different backstory.”
Georgiana didn’t have a response this time. Instead she just pulled him closer and hugged him.
“Do you still want Crimson to be our captain for now?” she asked. “I know you have your misgivings about her, but you still admitted she’s a good sailor. That’s got to count for something, right?”
“I don’t know,” Jacob sighed. “I didn’t want her in the first place, but… I don’t know, she’s kinda grown on me. You’re right about her skills, and now I’m not even sure I should dislike her. Being honest, I only did so before ‘cause Heilyn disliked her. I’ve no actual quarrel with her myself.”
“Then we’ll find her in the morning,” Georgiana said. “She’ll probably just be back at the ship anyhow. For now,” she interrupted herself with a yawn, “we should probably head back to our rooms and let Seraph and the barkeep know she won’t be coming back tonight.”
Jacob stifled his own yawn and nodded. They headed back inside, let Seraph know what happened, and headed back to their separate rooms. Jacob undressed and crawled under the covers, glad for the comfort of wool and duck down.
“Have a seat, Jacobson,” Ren said.
“Are we going to do this every time I sleep?” Jacob asked with a groan. The room they were in resembled the captain’s quarters of a fairly small vessel, except it was broken and underwater. The wood lay splintered around him. Fish swam in and out of cracks, and an eel had set up shop in a cubby hole meant for maps. The bed was ruined, the mattress torn down the half so the duck down had long ago floated away into the currents. It was dark, and yet Jacob could see it all.
The only thing intact was a card table in the middle of the room with four chairs, only one of which was currently occupied. Ren sat back straight, the water’s resistance not daring to stop him from shuffling a deck of cards. Jacob pulled back a wooden barnacle-encrusted chair and sat down.
“What am I doing here?” he asked. “Didn’t we just do one of these dream adventure things?”
“We did, yes, but we did not speak about said adventure. Are you familiar with Whist?”
“No,” Jacob responded, eyeing the deck. He’d never been one to play any card games, usually preferring to take watch in Deighly’s stead whenever he, Heilyn, Captain, and the others got into a game of any sorts.
“It’s quite simple, though there is quite a bit of room for strategy. We need two more players for it, though… ah, here they come now!”
Jacob looked behind him to where Ren waved and nearly shocked himself out of his own dream. The animated corpses of two sailors approached, not avoiding the currents like Ren and Jacob. One of them was dressed simply, but the other was familiar. The same dark green jacket, black captain’s hat, and pajamas hung from the rotting flesh of the man once known as Captain Leafy.
“Why him?” Jacob asked, green creeping into his cheeks. “Why of all people would you choose to have him join us?”
“Oh, I didn’t choose anyone in particular, Jacobson,” Ren said with a wry smile. “I don’t care much who we play with, so long as we have enough to play.”
Ren began dealing cards as the pirates slowly pulled out their own seats and sat down, black blood spilling from wounds along their joints. Fish were drifting around them, eating away at their flesh, but neither seemed to notice. They both merely picked up their cards and stared ahead with blank expressions.
Ren cleared his throat. “This is a team game, Jacobson, so I suggest you move next to me if you would rather not share cards with the captain or his lackey.”
Jacob hastily scooted his chair around the table. The corpses simultaneously took single, slow steps to the sides, chairs sticking to the bloated skin as they moved. Jacob resisted the urge to hurl.
“I thought this was Apophis’ domain,” Jacob said instead of retching. “Controlling the dead, right? That’s her.”
“The souls of the dead, Jacobson,” Ren said as he splayed his cards for them both to view. “The physical bodies are in my domain since they technically count as wreckage from ships, even if they didn’t go down with their ship. Now pick our move.”
Ren quickly explained how to play, skimping on more than a few details he had to later explain during the game. Each instruction was prefaced with a patient sigh, and followed by Ren once again telling Jacob to choose their move. They took turns on choosing, which Jacob guessed was how the game was supposed to be played, though he wasn’t actually sure.
“What questions do you have, Jacobson?” Ren eventually asked when Jacob’s constant questions died down.
Jacob was getting tired of questions. His entire night before going to sleep had been filled with them; he didn’t want his dreams to be the same.
“I have none,” he lied, knowing Ren would just tell him what he wanted to anyways. Even if he’d asked a question, Ren would still only tell him specific information.
“Well then, allow me to enlighten you on what you should be asking.” Predictable, or maybe Ren already knew what Jacob was doing. “First of all, I still haven’t been able to remember where that sea of sand is, nor do I recollect anything about its existence in the first place. All I’ve been able to tell is that it is likely where my physical body is being kept. I will also assume you question why Neptune and Kelpie were both aiding in my imprisonment. For that, I must paint you a picture.”
Ren threw up a hand and the game stopped. Actually, the whole image stopped, leaving Ren and Jacob free to walk around without anything disturbing them. Jacob followed Ren out into the open ocean, allowing him to finally see outside the captain’s quarters. The ship they had been in was long decayed, only the single room remaining. They were on the edge of a shelf break, deeper waters looming far below. Jacob could see a few large-ish shapes moving off in the distance, whales mostly, but also sharks, squids, and even a giant crab moving along the side of the shelf. Most people couldn’t see as far as Jacob could—Rivers, most sea creatures couldn’t either—and in that moment he envied their ignorance of the world around him.
“I can’t take you down there quite yet,” Ren said, staring at Jacob as he stared into the depths in turn. “Many things in those depths would break your mind as of now, though a hardened sailor would get a mere headache. We’ll evolve you past such trivialities entirely.”
“Why bring me here, then?”
“As I said, I am painting a picture. More so, I’m giving you perspective. I mistakenly revealed something to you in my tired stupor a few hours ago, that I was a god. This is true, despite you and the rest of the world knowing me and my kin as monsters. Do you wish for an explanation, or for me to continue?”
Jacob stared blankly.
“An explanation, then.” Ren nodded. “Aye, we are all gods, for in our truest nature there is no difference between my kin and the gods you and all other mortals claim as your protectors. The distinction, as many do, comes from you mortals and your tendency to separate what you embrace from what you fear. The ocean? Sailors? Piracy, even? Neptune, Triton, and Davy Jones are your men. But ocean lust? Bad luck? Drowning? What makes Siren, Leviathan, and Kelpie any different from those others aside from how you mortals perceive their domains? We are all the same in being and power, but you mortals tore us apart… metaphorically, at least.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the separation only occurred in your minds and offerings. The actual separation occurred, as many things do, due to ego. Many of the gods decided that, since they were loved, they should rule the world as they saw fit. They did nothing to dissuade the mortals of the rest of our new titles. The worst of them encouraged the name-calling. The ‘best’ of them just watched.”
“Wait, but even then—even if this is all true—that still would make you the god of shipwrecks. That’s not something anyone is ever going to praise you for. Why does it even matter to you?”
Ren hesitated. “You’re right, it shouldn’t matter. There have been rumors that we derive strength from the worship of mortals, but as you can see from the continued strength and existence of us monsters, that is simply not true, a falsehood conceived by jealous priests who merely wanted more attendees in the temples to listen to their grand speeches.”
“Then why do you care?” Jacob urged.
“I… do not.”
“Then why are you making such a deal of a simple title?”
Ren stayed silent. He had no answer.
“Are you a monster?” Jacob asked, regretting as the words passed his lips.
Ren whirled on him, and for the first time Jacob saw him for what he was. He couldn’t tell if anything actually changed, but in that moment Jacob swore he could see an endless void of time behind Ren’s eyes, black as ink and wide as the ocean. The lines on his face deepened, and his wavy black hair seemed to ripple and split, strands breaking through like tentacles reaching up to grab ahold of unsuspecting ships, taking them down to drown. How many crews had died painful, horrible deaths at this man’s—this monster’s—whim?
“Do not mistake me for a monster,” Ren hissed. “I do no more wrong than the so-called gods you mortals idealize. I may be Kraken, god of sunken ships, but do you know who sinks those ships? Neptune. Hapi. Kukulkan. Megalodon, Charybdis, Moby Dick, Hydra. All beings which you call either god or monster, and all of whom have taken turns sinking their fair number of ships. I am no more a monster than my damnable brother!”
Ren’s face suddenly seemed to grow muscle and form, and for a split second Jacob saw the truth.
“Neptune is your brother.” It was a statement, not a question. “You hate him because of this feud, but that’s not it.” The pieces fell together. “He’s the one who captured you. That first memory you showed me was of your final battle, when he defeated you with the help of a mortal captain. That’s who I was in that story.” He thought back to the name Ren had first called him. “A captain named Edmund, but it was too long ago for it to have been Captain Vexx…”
Ren’s furious demeanor calmed the more Jacob talked, and soon he backed up entirely, somberly shaking his head.
“These events happened centuries ago. There are few alive who still live to remember the events. You’ll meet one of them soon enough if all goes well. Give Dr. Cleary my regards.”
Ren waved his hand again and the dream began fading. The last thing Jacob saw was another corpse floating up from beyond the shelf, Ren shuffling another deck of cards. It was the corpse of a pirate captain.
Jacob was tired of talking.
He woke up in the morning with a pounding head and immediately made for Georgiana’s room, almost forgetting to redress himself in the process. He knocked on her door—fully clothed, thank Neptune—and was greeted by a bleary-eyed Georgiana, still in her pajamas.
“Jacob? What is it?”
Jacob glanced past her, seeing through her window that it was still dark outside. Had he really only slept a few hours?
“Nothing, it can wait if you’re still–”
Georgiana rolled her eyes and pulled him inside, closing the door behind him.
“Nuh uh, mister, not this time. You’re clearly distressed about something, and me being tired isn’t an excuse for me not to help my best friend. Now, spill.”
Jacob nodded and told her about his dream with Ren. Of course the squid could hear everything, but aside from the occasional hmph, Ren stayed quiet.
“I know that’s a lot to dump on you, but this combined with Crimson’s talk last– er, tonight, it was just confusing me so much.” Jacob held his head in his hands, squeezing his temples to stop the pounding, which only slightly alleviated the pain. “I don’t know what to do, or what’s right, or who’s right, or anything anymore.”
For a moment, everything was silent. Jacob squeezed his eyes shut to keep in the aching, but that only seemed to make it worse somehow. He felt Georgiana’s hands fall onto his own, taking them and moving them from his head to clasp together in front of them both. She then put her arms around him and hugged him.
“You’re having a meltdown, and it’s not just because of tonight, Jakey,” she said, voice softer than a pillow. “I think the events of these past few days are finally catching up to you, and you need a break. Do you remember when we were in that cave and I cried so hard I fell asleep?”
“Yeah,” Jacob said, wincing from the pain. “Crimson and I had to hold you back, and you fell asleep really quickly after she handed you to me.”
Georgiana nodded and tilted his head up. He opened his eyes to meet hers, and he felt tears start to well up. She was right: Jacob felt exhausted, and the back-to-back dreams during both of his sleeps hadn’t helped in the slightest.
“Let’s take you back to your room. I’ll sit by you while you fall asleep.”
Jacob nodded and released Georgiana. She opened the door and he stumbled back through, fumbling for his own door handle and grabbing it after a few tries. They walked in, Georgiana’s hand on his back to steady him, and he laid down again. Georgiana pulled up a rocking chair from the corner of the room and sat down next to him, laying her head back and closing her eyes. Jacob wasn’t sure who fell asleep first.